Hey Guys!

Welcome to the 19th Issue of Guys Fishing Weekly! This week we are discussing 5 keys to growing male friendships. Surely these are not all the keys, but they are five of the most important in our mind.

Also, as we like to do, we have highlighted a number of cool things we saw in the fishing community this week, and point out some upcoming “Third Spaces” you can check out to grow your relationships.

Thanks for spending even just a little of your week with us. We are grateful for you!

Enjoy,

- The GFW Boys

I am lucky to call many people friends. It comes easier to me because of my extroverted tendencies. Management of relationships can get difficult. But for a lot of people, especially men, managing friendships is a chore. Perhaps it brings anxiety because they were never taught how or they have become paralyzed by the thought, so they don’t even try.

But when we look at the statistics around the epidemic that is male loneliness, some of the numbers really standout. According to one survey by the Survey Center for American Life, “Only 21% of men say they received emotional support from a friend within the past week, compared to 41% of women.” Wow! While men have been taught most of their lives to shoulder their emotions alone, it isn’t sustainable for good health.

Life is too hard and we have needs.

This is where quality friendships play a role. I’m not a psychologist, but having spent the last 25 years in a classroom with young teenagers. I have seen the struggles of teen boys trying to make friends and relate to each other. And at the age of 55, I have seen plenty of friendships come and go.

Oscar Wilde once said, “With age comes wisdom, but sometimes age comes alone.” I have the age and some of the wisdom part, and I don’t want anyone to age alone. So here are five keys I have found really help grow a friendship:

1. A Shared Value - With my closest friends, there seems to be a connection that relies on at least one shared value. We all have those tenets we hold near and dear to our hearts, those non-negotiables that we value over all else…honesty, integrity, passion, growth, connection, community. These are the things that drive and guide our actions.

   When I have at least one of these common values with a friend, it allows us a foundation for commonality and a place to connect. But, notice I didn’t say “shared values.” If there are more than one, great! But you don’t have to value all the same things, which brings me to my next key.

2. Embrace Differences - You’ve heard the phrase “agree to disagree” about a gazillion times in your life, whether it was your parents during a lecture between you and your siblings after a fight, or at work while establishing norms for a meeting. Well, I have found it rings truer when it comes to lasting friendships.

   I have plenty of great friends who are on the opposite side of the political aisle. I have plenty who parent differently than I do. I have others who value different things than I do. The best part about having these friendships is that these people constantly challenge my beliefs. They make me think about other perspectives which in turn helps build empathy, something we could all use more of in an ever changing world. I like to think I do the same for them.

3. Reciprocity - In my closest friendships, there is a shared commitment to time and energy. Of course there are times when one side is more emotionally available, but that is always reciprocated at other times. The friendships I have lost through the years have come because of the lack of value felt from one or the other involved. This seems to be one of the most important variables to a lasting friendship. If I feel like I am doing most or all of the work, I have to rethink if my time and energy might be better spent elsewhere.

4. A Common Activity - People need something to do. When you are find someone interesting enough to hang out with, you need an arena to do just that. When you can find a common activity you both enjoy, it keeps you relaxed, which in turn creates an atmosphere to be more vulnerable. It seems you can more easily let your guard down and open yourself up for a more authentic interaction. This can be anything from golfing, bowling, watching a football game, or fishing!

5. Laughter - As the class clown, laughter plays an important part in all of my relationships. Just ask anybody who has ever hung out with me. Finding commonalities through humor has always played a vital role in developing friendships. Of course there are the “serious talks” that come with every good friendship, but the “gut busting, tears streaming down your face” laughter times are the stories you end up telling as the years roll by. These moments allow us to unleash our raw emotions to a place of uncontrolled outburst. It provides a safe release of all that is inside us. It is important to find with friends.

The ancient teachings that men shouldn’t be vulnerable and should swallow their emotions needs to change. The science behind friendship tells us, “that having a strong social circle leads to a longer life and fewer illnesses.” (Ian Taylor, “How Loneliness is Killing Men”). Who doesn’t want that?

You don’t need to build an entire community of friends overnight; it takes time. Hopefully, these tips are helpful in that process.

Quote of the Week

Trip We are Dreaming About

The Delphi Club - Abaco Island, Bahamas

Located on Abaco Island in the Bahamas, this bonefishing club is a resort that you could get away with leaving your wife at to hit a day of fishing. The pictures of the area and the fish they catch are incredible… not to mention the food they serve. An absolute dream trip!

Website

What We Are Listening To

Dads on the Fly

Episode 111: NC Coast Weekend Getaway Recap

A couple of dads, who happen to be brothers, get together to chat about parenting and family, while dreaming about their hobby of fly fishing. But in this episode, they relive and tell stories about their North Carolina Salt Water Fishing Retreat. Love the personalities and report these brothers have with one another, and their stories always elicit a chuckle.

Website | Instagram

Fish of the Week

Isla’s 22.5” Slab

An absolute monster of a brown trout, that would make any grown man cry to catch on the fly. But Isla is no ordinary fly fisher. The daughter of one of our favorite IG follows, @fly__high_eli, is a capable angler and an improving boat captain. The story gets even crazier knowing that she landed this fish while her brother manned the sticks. Just look at this video of the release… Either their is something in the Montana water, or Eli is just one hell of a dad! Nice catch, Isla!

One Fly Pattern

Caddis Pupa

@coastfly tied this awesome Caddis Pupa pattern. An absolute stunner of a fly with immense amounts of details included. The video of it being tied is fun to watch too.

One Cause to Learn About

Fishing for the Mission 22

We are just going to copy a few paragraphs from their website. It highlights their mission and some crazy statistics we don’t spend enough time focused on:

We agree that fishing has ways of improving the lives of everyone, and the camaraderie is crucial in life. Thank you for your continued service!

Learn More | Instagram

“Third Places” Events

Places that could be a great place to meet fellow anglers

Merch is Coming…

#River Thoughts

• We have entered a reverse phase where having a $600 apartment makes you a legend. (Source: Reddit)

• The majority of society seemed to collectively agree to switch from pencils to pens after high school for some reason. (Source: Reddit)

• Norway and North Korea are separated by a single country (Source: Reddit)

• Science is a formal game of fuck around and find out (Source: Reddit)

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Get Out There